I Feel Like an Outsider

I feel like an outsider in a socio-method class.

We talked about our field work experiences in class. Last week, three of them talked about these Hispanic kids whose dress code was black. They walked around together and got a cookie from a smaller boy. All linguists expressed their concern, and I could even feel a little anger toward to them. Mary said, 'So did you act on it with your ethics over your research interest? Did you report them, stopped them?' One got worried because her kid would go to the school. The other pointed out that the teachers or security didn't do a damn thing about it. None of my classmates took the incident light.

I realized that I was the only one with big smile. Frankly, I thought it was funny. Teenagers do all crazy shit. Come on, it was only a cookie. Nobody was actually hurt. I came to think they might be one of those kids whose cookie was taken. Obviously, they were not one of those kids who took cookies.

The thing is I was one of those kids in black in junior high. I didn't actually take cookies-Koreans don't carry cookies to school. We bring a lunch box with rice, side dishes, etc. I hung out with problem kids. They were so into who could fight well, who could get a boyfriend (we were supposed to be on probation if we had a boyfriend), who lost virginity first, etc. I wasn't a "hard core" member because they sometimes placed me outside of the circle to "protect" me from further corruption of me; I kept good grades and had both parents unlike them. When they talked about their family problem or how they lost their virginity, they told me it was the stuff that I didn't have to know. But I skipped the class, looked out for a policewhen the others took small money from kids on street, ran away with them without paying for dishes we ate, and stole stationary or other school supplies. We used all these slang terms that other "good" kids didn't know. It was so much fun.

I stopped doing it after I got beaten like hell from three girls on the street near my place. They wanted my new Nike sneakers and designer's brand jacket. I should've let them take them, but I was too proud. My father was so pissed off. Unfortunately, my father was a head of the committee to lead teenagers or something. He always likes to be involved in those stuff, you know making justice come true. No wonder I was involved in activism from an early age. I totally blame my father for that. Anyway, I called my friend to find out who they were. Come on, I had connect to that world. Policemen got all three of them in the police station next morning. I stayed home for two weeks until all bruises were gone. After that, I stopped my little illegal action. My friends either didn't make it to a prep high school or dropped out anyway. High school was boring compared with my junior high. Kids seemed all "good" studying hard to make it to college.

The kids seemed too good aspiring to do better are now my classmates in grad school. I feel so alienated. Where the hell are my "cool" friends now?